Anybody who has ever been owned by a cat can relate to this…
How to Give Your Cat a Pill (…or NOT!)
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in Left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep Shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water
down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for local humane society or animal shelter to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
This is often how it often is when it comes to medication your cat HAHA! Here are some tips that might help make it easier…
If your pet either won’t eat a hidden pill or eats around it, you may have to do it the old fashioned way. Even then, it is possible to make the process easier.
- Make sure your pet is in a safe area. Cats should be placed on a counter or other raised surface.
- Stand to the side of your pet. Cats should be placed in the crook of your elbow. Don’t approach your pet from the front.
- Coating the pill with butter will give it a slippery and yummy tasting coating.
- Gently squeeze at the corners of the jaw and tilt head back.
- Once their mouth is open you will need to get the pill far back in the mouth. This is the scary part for most owners so we recommend that you use a pet piller. This can literally take the bite out of pilling.
- In one smooth motion, place the piller so the tip is at the back of the mouth and depress the plunger to release the medication. Please be careful of your pet’s mouth. This is a sensitive area and you don’t want to cause injury.
- Leaving the head tilted backwards, immediately close your pet’s mouth and blow into their nose. Return the head to a normal position and gently rub the throat until you see swallowing… Be careful not to get in your pet’s face. Make sure you are above and to the side or back of the pet’s mouth when you blow. If your pet is aggressive…don’t get close to his/her face.
- Make sure your pet has swallowed before releasing him/her. Look for swallowing or licking of the lips.